Where there's smoke, there's censorship

The Censor Board chief Sharmila Tagore is quoted in Indian express:

“Instead of actors lighting up on screen, they can chew on a toothpick or a pencil. It is possible to depict a scene without a cigarette and it would have the same desired impact. Smoking (on celluloid) can be avoided,” says the yesteryear actress."

Huh?!! Just what happens to seemingly intelligent actors as soon as they become chief of Censor Board boggles my mind! I fundamentally disagree with censorship, and favor the ratings system in the US. However, I do understand that proper enforcement is key to making the ratings sytem work, and India may not be ready for it. So, in the spirit of censorship, to preserve our young hearts and minds, here is what I would like banned from Indian movies:

1. Violence: instead of shooting a gun, the actor could point his forefinger at the target and shout 'statue' to have the desired effect. Fight sequences, if they must exist, could involve no physical contact, a la climax scene from Andaz Apna Apna with Shakti and Salman.
2. Sex: instead of making out shamelessly, the couple could wink at each other repetitively, accompanied by heavy breathing and uninhibited sweating.
   
3. Alcohol: instead of drinking from a bottle, the actor could suck his thumb and look sleepy.
   
4. Dishonesty: if a character must lie, it could be followed by appropriate consequences: e.g., lengthening of nose followed by a lightening strike.

I am sure the censor board is already thinking along these lines.